116516

Joke of the Day

"Guy stole my bike so I got in a cab & said follow that guy! He said sure, whats his twitter name? We laughed & hi-fived & I need a new bike."

"what's the difference between a wife and a job? After 10 years the job still sucks."

"What did the cat say after reading """"To Kill a Mockingbird""? I want a refund: there's not one darn thing about how to kill a bird *anywhere* in this book."

"Why should you always run next to a car? Because if you run behind it you get exhausted, and if you run in front of it you get tired!"

"What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A drummer."

"[judging dog show] DOG: [barks] ME: [ticks clipboard] This one's working fine AUDIENCE MEMBER: You have misunderstood what's required of you"

"I found a company that describes your dick! microsoft"

"Why did the black man walk backwards? I have no idea, Your Honor, but he was coming right at me and I felt my life was at risk."

"Life is a suicide mission."

"I faked a cough to get out of work. I tell myself I wasn't lying... I was just being SARScastic."