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Joke of the Day

"They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian... Best joke of my career."

"There is no ""i"" in ""team."" But there's an ""i"" in ""Tim,"" and my friend Carlos pronounces it ""team."" So there we go."

"Fun Fact: The ""eye roll"" was created by Eve in the Garden of Eden within 15 min of her first conversation with Adam."

"I've found the perfect weight-loss system for Americans. Convert to the metric system and lose half your weight in just seconds."

"Did you hear about the African man who refused to accept the fact that he couldn't swim? They say he died in denial."

"Why was the World Trade Center in a hurry? It had a plane to catch."

"I had a threesome on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister... It was wrong on so many levels."

"What do you get when you have sex with a truck stop hooker? Gator-aids."

"Two hipsters walk into a bar. The first did it before it was cool. The second did it ironically."

"What's Bruce Lee's favorite drink? Wataaaah!"