60449

Joke of the Day

"So the other day, my friend told me that I have no idea what irony meant... Which was pretty ironic, considering we were at a bus stop."

"No trees were killed to send this tweet, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced."

"Why was 5 afraid of 6? Because 6 7 8! ...(in honor of May 4th Star Wars day)..."

"[bill gates house] Bill: What's on at the cinema? Wife: Let me google it and- *terrified look at bill* Wife: Let me bing it and see."

"I've got a bag full of stick figure stickers, and when I see an SUV I add random dudes to their families."

"Father: I hear you skipped school to play football Son: No I didn't and I have the fish to prove it!"

"POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: describe the suspect ""He was holding a pencil, wishing he was a real artist"" {pencil stops moving} ""And he was crying"""

"What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? Ack, ack, *choke*"

"""Our new model works 40 percent of the time. Best one, yet. Congratulations, everyone."" - CEO of automatic paper towel dispenser company"

"Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule on a dropped chip"