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Joke of the Day

"[bill gates house] Bill: What's on at the cinema? Wife: Let me google it and- *terrified look at bill* Wife: Let me bing it and see."

"What kind of bread always goes wrong? A rye"

"What is Tumblr's favourite branch of maths? Trigger-nometry... I'll see myself out."

"Don't you dare go playing that drum again. There will be repercussions!"

"So they say rubbing the Buddha statue's belly gives you good luck... ...imagine if you sucked his dick."

"all right class welcome to Intro to Sitting 101. everyone have a seat. *confused whispering among class*"

"What do you guys think of polar bears? I think they all white."

"When my wife and I married we both agreed we would never go to sleep angry. Neither of us has slept in 16 years."

"HELLO automatic flushing toilet!! I appreciate the enthusiasm but I really wasn't finished"

"Humans: we're not like snakes Also Humans: mmmm eggs"