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Joke of the Day

"No trees were killed to send this tweet, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced."

"Went to the Doctor Yesterday... Went to the Doctor yesterday, he thinks I suffer from Paranoia... Well, he didn't say that, but I know he is thinking it!"

"Which drink makes a Gorilla feel tipsy? An ape-ricot sour!"

"""I see an Irish man walking..."" Short I see an Irish man walking with only one shoe on. I tell him ""You're only wearing one shoe, you stupid cunt"". The Irish man replies ""No, I found one."""

"So, a snake walks into a bar.... And the bartender asks in surprise ""how'd you do that?!"""

"Wife: [looking out of window] Go and talk to our son. He's outside looking forlorn. Me: [goes outside] *points to grass* it's there u prick"

"Knock Knock Who's there ? Cookie ! Cookie who ? Cookie quit and now I have to make all the food !"

"Fishy Technology What type of phones do fish use? . . . *Shellular*, of course..."

"Why can't moccasins play the blues? They've got no sole."

"How does a skeleton solve a problem? With the bare-bones approach."