26810

Joke of the Day

"Father: I hear you skipped school to play football Son: No I didn't and I have the fish to prove it!"

"Why is there no Mexican olympics? Because everyone that can swim, run and jump is already across the border."

"People who get offended when I breast feed publicly can fuck off What I'm doing is totally natural and strengthens the relationship between me and my dog"

"How do you make a little boy cry twice? (NSFW) You wipe your bloody dick on his teddy bear"

"A man tells his friend his wife broke up with him and has full custody of his kids... His friend says: ""I feel so sorry"" The man says: ""I feel worse for the kids"""

"[police lineup] Cop: Do you see the guy who ate your plants? Me: Nope Cop: *waving leaf* Wildebeest step forward? WB: *drooling* Goddamnit"

"Kanye West builds a time machine so he can interrupt himself interrupting Taylor Swift."

"What's black and white and red all over? Police brutality."

"My girlfriend said that a sneeze is 1/10th of an orgasm. ""That's a bullshit myth,"" I said. ""Prove it,"" she replied. After sneezing ten times I said, ""See? I'm still awake and you're not pregnant."""

"If a tiger goes to bite you, confuse him by french kissing him. You'll probably still die, but at least you got to make out w/ a tiger."