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Joke of the Day

"What kind of car did the German cowboy purchase? Audi *tips hat*"

"What is better than a rose on a guitarist? Tulips on my pianist."

"So Jesus walks into a hotel... he puts three nails on the counter and says, ""Hey, can you put me up for the night?"""

"Two hillbillies were playing chess.."

"You say ""bed."" I say ""horizontal worry pod of nocturnal overanalysis."" Let's not get caught up in semantics."

"Sports: The legal way to buy a black person."

"[movie night] Her: Can I pick tonight? Me: You picked last time and it was horrible Her: WE WATCHED OUR WEDDING VIDEO"

"I had a balloon with the reddit logo on it and I put it on the nozzle of a can of helium. It blew up pretty fast."

"I get it ladies, I had abs before I had kids too."

"Why can't the T-rex do any push ups? Small arms? No it's because dinosaurs are extinct you dumbass."