94051

Joke of the Day

"You say ""bed."" I say ""horizontal worry pod of nocturnal overanalysis."" Let's not get caught up in semantics."

"What do you call a confusing sharp pain in the ass immediately after a break up? An ex or cist?"

"what do you call sodium chloride crossed with a poisonous writing utensil from out the sea a salt with a deadly wetpen *hides*"

"Parallel lines have so much in common, it's a shame they'll never meet :("

"You gotta go for personality, guys.... They'll ALL look like grandma someday,,"

"What do you call a group of undead police officers? Zombie Acopalypse"

"I've reached the point of laziness where even laying around has become too much for me to handle."

"Don't trust atoms They make up everything"

"Brain: HEY 2am let's think about Greg Me: Ok Brain: He saw you scratching your nose today & thinks you picked it Me: Wa...what? Brain: Owned"

"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer. ."