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Joke of the Day

"I TEXTED MY BOSS... ""What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?... HE ANSWERED: ""I don't know?"" I REPLIED: ""I'm not coming in this morning!"""

"Kids, eat your vegetables. *reluctantly, they eat* [2 hrs later] *I eavesdrop on their convo* Daughter: Unionizing will help us bargain."

"If there were no food left what could people do? Country people could eat their forest preserves and city people could have their traffic jams."

"Why does no-one use the rhinos ATM? Because he charges!"

"How do you kill a circus? You go for the juggler."

"The Tea Party is the biggest case of Stockholm Syndrome ever. Poor people rallying to the cause of those keeping them in poverty."

"?Police Navidad / Police Navidad / Police Navidad, usemos mace y brutalidad?"

"Why a man should ever want to marry a woman is a mystery. Why a man should ever want to marry 2 women is a bigamistery."

"Just spilled beer on my crotch, so to save myself from the embarrassment, I pissed my pants. Can't have people thinking I'm a sloppy drinker"

"I was thinking about you today... Just wondering where I'm going to hide your body."