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Joke of the Day

"Kids, eat your vegetables. *reluctantly, they eat* [2 hrs later] *I eavesdrop on their convo* Daughter: Unionizing will help us bargain."

"Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? ~Why? -Because she had no arms ... -Knock knock ~Who's there? -Well, it sure as shit isn't little Suzy"

"How do you make a plumber cry? Staple a frog to his forehead"

"It's so hot outside that I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof."

"If a straight man cheats on his wife, the other woman is called his mistress. So if a gay man cheats on his husband, is the other man his mister?"

"""I sit on my ass looking at the web all day."" a spider"

"How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the chin"

"My wife always finds a reason to hate every girl that I bring home."

"Baby, are you a silent movie? Because when you talk I don't hear shit."

"Life without women would be a pain in the ass, literally."