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Joke of the Day

"15 just texted me that she was on her period and needed a chocolate bar. How absorbent could a chocolate bar even be?!"

"Just beat my record for most consecutive days without dying."

"What does the blind say when he walks past the fish market? Hello ladies."

"I really want to make a joke about Luis Suarez but I don't want to upset Liverpool fans.F*ck it. Why is Luis Suarez a c*nt? Because he lives in Liverpool."

"How do you sum up a cashew? In a nutshell!"

"Picture a scavenger hunt where the only items on the list are ""your house keys"" and ""your house."" Well, son, that's what drinking is like."

"What do you call hundreds of crows at a Catholic church? A mass murder."

"What is a pirate's least favorite letter? A letter from the cable company..."

"Why Does the Pope wear Boxers? He doesn't want to look down on the unemployed."

"How do you tell if someone is riding a bicycle for fitness or because they have a DUI? The cigarette."