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Joke of the Day

"Just beat my record for most consecutive days without dying."

"What starts with e, ends with e, and has a letter in it. envelope"

"I was trying to make a joke about coat hanger abortion with my mom I was just having a poke at it."

"How do you know if your friend, ""Doesn't even OWN a TV?"" Because it's this answer to every question you ask them. ""Did you hear about the President's new policy on...?"" ""I don't even OWN a TV!"""

"Two whales walk into a bar The first whale says to the bartender ""WHAAAA-EEEEEEEE-OOOOOOO-UUUUUU"" The second whale turns to the first and says ""Frank! What the hell is wrong with you?"""

"Friend: Dow dropped 45 points yesterday. Me: I don't follow basketball."

"What's the difference between a blowjob and pizza? Your mom never gave me pizza."

"Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny."

"What do balloons and virgins have in common? One prick and its gone."

"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink... However, you can certainly stand there until it gets thirsty."