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Joke of the Day

"People keep saying I need to be more assertive Is that okay?"

"Floyd Mayweather Jr must listen to his opponents to win ... Because he definitely can't read them"

"I never really liked Robin Williams movies. They may be funny, but they keep hanging around.^I'll^see^myself^out..."

"The Chinese stock market... >Is the safest market in the world, the most transparent market, the least fluctuating market, the most democratic market."

"I bought a lottery ticket the other day. I didn't win anything. I've come to the conclusion that the lottery is a bunch of balls."

"Shout out to the person who had the balls to open the first no kids allowed restaurant"

"How did Captain Hook die ? He wiped his ass with the wrong hand."

"What's The Difference Between Santa and a Muslim? Santa will be able to enter the united states next year!"

"I did my foreign country report on Ethiopia. It was really easy, I didn't even have to bring the class food."

"What do you call a disease that only effects ducks? A mallard-y"