129586

Joke of the Day

"Shout out to the person who had the balls to open the first no kids allowed restaurant"

"Why do technicolor pigs have great breath? Because the have a lot of pigments."

"""Give it to me"" she screamed ""Give it to me I'm so fucking wet!"" But try as she might, she wasn't getting my umbrella."

"religion? um, ha, no. i'm not really into the idea of letting a set of ancient rules dictate my life. plus, pisces aren't usually religious"

"My uncle once ejaculated on me Glad I got that off my chest"

"How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand. - Taken from local Chinese joint fortune cookie."

"A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""What is this, a joke?"""

"Surreal, wtf, insane Repost: Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks. lolwut Any similar?"

"I pissed off two men today because I referred to them as hipsters.. Apparently the correct term is 'conjoined twins'"

"Just told my driving instructor to put his seat belt ON for his safety. I'm definitely going to get the license this time."