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Joke of the Day

"If Mississippi wore a New Jersey, what did Delaware? I dunno, Alaska."

"Trust me, I'm a liar. Lawyer, I meant lawyer."

"[Offensive] Whats the difference between a Mexican and a Pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four. Im sorry if I've offended any pizzas."

"Take a deep breath. Exhale slowly. - Respirational Tweet"

"An Irish man walks out of a bar... Has never happened."

"How much liquor does it take before you start telling racist jokes? For me, it's about three fifths."

"I can't stand people who end sentences with prepositions! It just pisses me off!"

"What do I get when I raise up a platform to play Mozart? Amadeus on my dais."

"A Teacher asked: Which part of the body goes to heaven first? A Kid replied: The legs... Because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming ""OH GOD! I'M COMING!! XD"

"Sex is a lot like chess. It takes practice to be good. You have to adapt quickly to your partner's moves. You're gonna sacrifice some horses"