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Joke of the Day

"At a restaurant: ""Would you like a table?"" ""No, not at all. I came here to eat on the floor. Carpet for 5 please."""

"For some reason, my girlfriend asked how I view lesbian relationships... Apparently ""in HD"" was the wrong answer..."

"The world has gotten so politically correct that I don't know what is appropriate to throw at a crying baby in a restaurant anymore."

"For some reason, I'm not in The Guinness Book of Records. Even though I was *definitely* the first person ever to touch my penis."

"What do you call a fat man in a white t-shirt? A Man-in-a-tee."

"imagine getting a bj and the person's hair gets stuck in your chain wallet"

"What do you call a country that doesn't use credit cards? A Czech Republic"

"I finally got my shit together. It's pretty gross. Wanna see?"

"What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? One goes \*whack* ""Fuck."" The other goes ""Fuck."" \*whack*"

"Imagine being the sound guy when Drake's rapping about doing it all on his own with no help. He must be like ""wow um oook?"""