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Joke of the Day

"I could not stop my baby boy from crying so I poured no tears shampoo in his eyes, it didn't work."

"1. Rage against the machine. 2. Check to make sure machine is plugged in. 3. Apologize to the toaster for the misunderstanding."

"True intimacy is chatting within a shared Google Doc"

"confuse your coworkers today by telling them you're going to the restroom to do a ""number 3"""

"What did the Jew with a boner say when he bumped into a wall? Oowwww...my nose."

"Baked turkey for 4 and a half days - instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108! #MyProblem"

"Are people with googly eyes better at searching for stuff?"

"I organized a threesome last night There were a couple of no-shows, but I still had a great time."

"Q.) What happens when a Blonde eats a mosquito? A.) She has more brain cells in her stomach than her head."

"HR: Know why we called you down? Me: Hmm...a raise? HR: You know we monitor internet usage right? Me: I'd like to report a hacking!"