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Joke of the Day

"I started reading a book about anti-gravity... ...now I can't put it down."

"What did the Zen master say to the hot dog vendor? ""Make me one with everything."""

"Did you know you are supposed to pull anal beads out slowly? I didn't... I started the wife up like a f*cking chainsaw."

"[running from cop] *cop catches me* ""Get on the ground or I'll taze ya"" *pulls jellyfish from pocket* ""Look they were all out of tazers"""

"Who runs the 100 acre wood website? www.innie the pooh."

"I was going to tell you a joke about women's rights... ...But it would have been too funny"

"What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung? Guardians of the Galaxy!"

"A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, ""Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..."""

"Did you hear about the homosexual magician? He disappeared in a poof."

"Last year I joined a support group for antisocial people. We haven't met yet."