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Joke of the Day

"People of Twitter: If you worry that you aren't creative enough, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it."

"What's the difference between a women's track team and a group of midgets playing chess? The latter is a group of cunning runts."

"I'm writing a song about getting my front door lock replaced. There's a lovely key change at the end."

"Better be named after what? If you had to choose, would you prefer having a disease named after you, or be named after your mother in law?"

"Guy says to a girl, please give me a... ....blowjob."" The girl says, ""can't you be more romantic?"" So the guy says, ""ok, give me a blowjob in the rain."""

"Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice."

"Liverpool I've been to Liverpool and never walking alone is actually pretty good advice."

"What do you call a person who farts in private? A private tutor"

"I think I just made the best dad joke ever. My son Robbie asked how he should get Poe into his X-wing toy. I said Wedge him. I had no one else to tell."

"What car does Jesus drive? A Chrysler"