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Joke of the Day

"Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice."

"You know how you keep an asshole in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!"

"Want to watch a nerd have a melt down? Tell him that you just bought an Android Ipad."

"To be fair to Justin Bieber if I had more than $75 I would act the way he does"

"My Grandparents bought a new China set... They asked me what I thought of it... I said it was fine..."

"When did you stop beating your wife? When we stopped having masturbation races."

"Why aren't marriage prevention hotlines a thing?"

"Every day I spend a few hours on a running track. Next week I might even turn it on."

"[1st date] HER: I love the idea of marriage. What are your thoughts on it? ME: [trying to impress her] I have 6 wives"

"How to propose marriage: 1. Drive to bridge 2. Jump off"