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Joke of the Day

"I just invented a new word! Plagiarism"

"Almost yelled ""F.U."" at another driver, but the kid was in the car. So I yelled, ""I'm dedicated to customer service."" Just like airlines do."

"I'm not a ""stalker"". I want to make sure you're okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard."

"The team that finished first in the local boat race were allowed to keep their boat. Scenes of celebration broke out when they realized they had won the champion ship."

"thank god 50 shades of grey got the R rating they wanted because what kid under 18 wouldn't want to watch 50 shades of grey with a parent"

"Just found out men don't need prostate exams till at least 40. I think my doctor has a lot of explaining to do."

"My wife and I couldn't have a baby so we decided to go to an adoption agency. I was so excited while I was in there. It made me happy to think that I could finally take off the baby on board sticker."

"I just sold Viagra to a guy who thinks it's ambien He's going to be up all night"

"I bet if I was a hot chick and I left a status that said ""I'm brushing my hair"". It would get about 50 likes."

"What do you call a knight with a morning star? Don"