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Joke of the Day

"*Paranormal Factivity* [I walk into my bathroom] ""OH MY GOD"" ['WHALES ARE ACTUALLY MAMMALS' is written in blood on the mirror]"

"TIFU (NSFW?) TIFU by getting my face tattooed on my dick so when I send dick pics my face is in all of them."

"[in the insect dissection room] Your fly is open."

"How was copper wire invented? Two Jews found the same penny!"

"B-E-F-O-R-E not b4. We speak English not fuc?ing bingo."

"Teacher : Why are you the only child in the classroom today ? Pupil : Because I was the only one who didn't have school dinners yesterday !"

"I'm in so much trouble. My twitter crush found out about my boyfriend and now they're both on their way to tell my husbands."

"What is Donald Trump's favourite Olympics event? Fencing."

"I like when you see a guy with a beard and you can immediately tell he's fashioned his entire thing/vibe/life around having that beard."

"A cop accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party. He learned to never book a judge by their cover."