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Joke of the Day

"The difference between a prostitute with diarrhea and an epileptic oyster shucker... The oyster shucker shucks between fits!"

"What does a German soccer player call his cleats? Das Boots"

"Alcohol is a misunderstood vitamin."

"1990- I have three-way calling, we can all talk for hours 2015- don't even leave me a voicemail unless you are dying or I won money"

"Long story short, hitler beat me up and has my time machine."

"You haven't truly won an argument until the other person says ""whatever."""

"Do you like warts? No. Don't worry. They'll grow on you."

"What do you call Robin Hood's mother? Mother Hood."

"How does a women make you a millionaire? You start as a billionaire"

"Where does Optimus Prime go for cosmetic repairs? To the autobotty shop!"