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Joke of the Day

"Have you guys heard about the scarecrow... Have you guys heard about the scarecrow that got a nobel prize for being outstanding in his field?"

"Having an elliptical in my living room has improved my health. Moving it out of the way when I lay down to watch TV burns like 25 calories"

"Behind every fat woman there is a beautiful woman. No seriously, your in the way."

"Q. What does CHAOS stand for? A.The Chiefs Have Arrived On Scene."

"My parrot lays square eggs but can only say one word. What's that? Ouch!"

"What do you get when you cross an agnostic, an insomniac, and a dyslexic? Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog."

"Its too expensive to put up Christmas lights these days. I'm just going to hire a bunch of Mexicans to sit on my roof with flashlights."

"Rabbit TV ESPN had the Natonal Spelling Bee on there."

"LPT: Never buy anything made of velcro... It's a total rip-off."

"What do you call a person of Irish and Asian descent? Rice Paddy. - Edit: Credit goes to my nickname from some clever fucker classmate when I was a kid."