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Joke of the Day

"My parrot lays square eggs but can only say one word. What's that? Ouch!"

"A black third grader goes up to his mom and says: ""Mom, I have the biggest dick in the third grade, is it because i'm black?"" ""No."" She replies. ""It's because you're 19."""

"Where does Peter Pan like to eat out? Wendy's."

"GRADUATION TIP: Don't graduate! The real world is terrifying. Hide out in the library. They can't make you leave if they can't find you!"

"How many Orthodox Hasidic Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, ya mensch. It's Shabbat."

"If I had a time machine, I would go back to the day we first let my daughter watch SpongeBob SquarePants and just destroy our TV"

"I was going to make a gay joke Butt fuck it..."

"MISSED CONNECTION: You were ""a woman"" & I am ""lonely."""

"Dawn's coming over. ""Dawn from work, or crazy Dawn?"" *Dawn walks in* ""WELL WELL WELL, if it isn't the lady I'm framing for murder."

"Me: ugh I have to wear a tie today, adulting sucks. Grandpa: I had to fight in World War II when I was 19. Me: I guess you kind of get it."