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Joke of the Day

"It's great how you have legs that can take you away from a conversation when you don't feel like listening to people anymore"

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"Tape is so anti social It likes to stick to itself."
"If the FBI want to get into an iPhone w/o users permission, they should ask someone who's done it before, like U2"
"How does an Eskimo build his house? Igloos it together."
"What's the difference between black people and cancer? The cancer evolves."
"in high school I was voted 'who is that? does she even go to our school? Never saw her before'"
"DOG 911: What's ur emer- DOG: OWNER IS CATCHIN POKEMON DOG 911: So DOG: HE'S THROWING BALLS BUT I CAN'T FIND THEM DOG 911: OMG DOG: OMG"
"If you ever struggle to make your woman happy, just remember Eve was in the Garden of Eden and it wasn't good enough."
"[holding my aunts stupid idiot baby] what sound does a cow make ""moo!"" good now a dog ""woof woof!"" 2 for 2. now...WHERES THAT MISSING PLANE"
"I've finally taken the time to list my collection of John Lennon memorabilia on eBay. Imagine all the PayPal."