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Joke of the Day

"[holding my aunts stupid idiot baby] what sound does a cow make ""moo!"" good now a dog ""woof woof!"" 2 for 2. now...WHERES THAT MISSING PLANE"

"60% of my day is spent quickly closing non work-related browser windows when my boss walks by."

"Lot's Wife We've all heard the story. No one can blame her if she felt any resentment. Some say, after all these years, she's still pretty salty about it."

"An alcoholic goes to the doctor.. The doctor diagnoses the man and says ""You have alcohol poisoning."" The man replies, ""I am going to find and KILL the person who poisoned my drinks!"""

"[bedroom] TRANSFORMER WIFE: Honey, this is silly. I'd never cheat on you. TRANSFORMER HUSBAND: Okay....hey, when did we get that wardrobe?"

"Did you hear about the physics student that committed suicide by jumping off a skyscraper? What a shame. He had so much potential."

"What did the Hawaiian terrorists say when they blew up a restaurant? ALOHA SNACKBAR"

"If this Hillary case blows up... It will be the second time a weiner has ruined the presidency for a Clinton"

"What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car, outside of a planned parenthood center? Having to go inside and ask for a coat-hanger."

"I had tears in my eyes when my dad chopped up Onions I loved Onions. He was a great dog."