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Joke of the Day

"[holding my aunts stupid idiot baby] what sound does a cow make ""moo!"" good now a dog ""woof woof!"" 2 for 2. now...WHERES THAT MISSING PLANE"

"Protein in my laundry If you captured it all you'd be able to fuel a Chi Psi chapter right before a lacrosse tournament."

"[commercial for college] *person shoveling money into furnace* Narrator: Don't you wish there was a better way?"

"Divorce court is like regular court except the judge sentences you to freedom."

"Modern art is easy to understand If you left poop at the door, rang the bell, and ran away - it's installation. If you rang the bell and then deposited the poop- it's performance."

"This Christmas I got a new car for my wife. I thought it was a great trade."

"A 'short' Joke About Midgets Why do midgets laugh while running? Because the grass tickles their balls."

"I tried calling in sick for work today. Apparently being ""sick of work"" isn't an illness."

"How many catholics does it take to change a lightbulb? CHANGE?!"

"Some of my friends have been making very hurtful remarks about my choosing to wear mittens rather than gloves... ...but I don't like to point fingers..."