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Joke of the Day

"So a crossfitter, an atheist, and a vegan all walk into a bar How do I know? Because they told everyone in the place within 30 seconds"

"They should have never given you girls fake eyelashes. This chick just blinked and it sounded like a flock of pigeons took off."

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. -Henny Youngman"

"What was the last thing Beethoven accomplished? Decomposing"

"I've just come back from the beauty parlour. Pity it was closed!"

"Why'd God make women pretty but dumb? They're pretty, so men will like them. They're dumb, so they will like men. Courtesy of the great movie Ip Man 3 which I watched yesterday."

"GIRL: Dad, I want you to meet my boyfriend DAD: Your bf is a bald eagle? BALD EAGLE: *adjusting toupee* I'm just a regular eagle actually"

"My wife isn't much of a wrestler But man you should see her box."

"Ten words, two commas, a punctuation mark and a full stop all appeared in court yesterday. They're due to be sentenced next week."

"The iPhone 6 looks pretty cool, but it still lets people leave voicemails, so they apparently haven't worked out all the bugs yet."