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Joke of the Day

"They should have never given you girls fake eyelashes. This chick just blinked and it sounded like a flock of pigeons took off."

"I asked a friend of mine what's the best joke he heard of. He told me to stand in front of a mirror. Still don't get it."

"How many friend-zoned guys does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they'll just compliment it and then get pissed when it doesn't screw."

"I'm considering becoming a mind reader. What are your thoughts?"

"How come my wife can't hold her bladder for more than three hours but she can hold a grudge for fourteen years?"

"How do you catch a peculiar rabbit? Unique up on it."

"Why does O.J. Simpson claim that he's not a murderer? He's an ex-murderer."

"My Grandpa has a French rifle from WWII It was never fired, but it was dropped once."

"What did the pope give up for lent? His job."

"How do you get Squirtle, Charmander and Pikachu onto a bus? You pokemon."