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Joke of the Day

"Where do you find a quadriplegic? Where you last left him."

"What do a three paragraph term paper and a 5'2"" Mexican have in common? They're both short essays."

"I got fired today, because during my lunch break, I went to the men's room and blew chunks. Chunks is our forklift driver, I should admit."

"If you haven't had a vagina around your neck... You haven't lived. Happy Mother's Day!"

"I'd like to thank the floor, for always catching me when I'm falling down."

"NSFW why did the redneck cross the road...? Because his dick was stuck in the chicken."

"Maybe Michael J. Fox could get a new show where his character doesn't have Parkinson's but he's a conductor aboard a moving train."

"I scream. You scream. The police come. It's awkward."

"Hillary: if we aren't careful donald trump could be our next president. Let that sink in Clinton Aide: *opens door* Sink: sorry i'm late"

"I asked a New Zealander how many sexual partners he'd had He started counting but then fell asleep."