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Joke of the Day

"Cheese and schizophrenia -Which cheese is schizophrenic? -Halloumi"

"This is a frightening statistic 25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness! That's scary! It means 75% are running around untreated!"

"How many vegan people does it take to change a lightbulb? One vegan, I am vegan, it was me - the vegan, I was the only vegan, it was me."

"look son, i kinda need you to go to hong kong & win a martial arts tournament to the death for me because i sorta told my neighbor you did"

"Pet Cemetery 3: People get tired of resurrecting pets and relatives. Somebody buries dinosaur bones. Jurassic Park ensues."

"Where did Noah keep the Bees? In the Ark-Hives."

"""Heres your social security card, you need it forever! Its made of paper, don't laminate it. Good luck."" -The Government"

"There's only two kinds of people in this world: people who know how to use conjunctions, but people who don't."

"/r/jokes also went private, but not the whole thing Just jokes!"

"Him: drink? Me: I have a boyfriend Him: I have a goldfish Me: What??? Him: I thought we were talking about shit that don't matter"