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Joke of the Day

"Why did the chicken get into so much trouble? Because of its fowl language."

"I was nervous my first day in, so I walked up to the toughest guy in the cafeteria and knocked him out... but I lost my job as a middle school teacher"

"Most people see a ""pregnant mom"" planned parenthood sees a ""parts store."""

"Did you hear about the woman who was shot 24 times in the back?! They say she got up afterwards, putting her clothes back on, and exclaimed ""Wow, your reload time is *amazing*!"""

"What do you call four Mexicans stuck in quicksand? quattro sink-o"

"*opens door* trick or treat? ""It's October 14th"" I'm dressed as a time traveller *scraps dinner off plate into his bag* ""touche"""

"To all of you who tweet constantly about drinking wine... Somebody has to say it. GRAPE JOKES AREN'T FUNNY."

"In an effort to be sexier for my wife, I figured I'd pluck 60% of my chest hair... 3 of the 5."

"In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep."

"""You're in no position to be making demands."" [does a handstand] ""Company helicopter & 2 months extra vacation."" ""Fair enough."