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Joke of the Day

"I never make mistakes... I thought I did once; but I was wrong."

"I was driving down the road when I spotted a black man walking along carrying a TV over his shoulder... ...I asked myself, ""Is that mine?"" Then I realized, mine was at home shining my shoes!"

"When someone asks you if you've met their kids... ... it turns out that the proper reply is NOT ""Yes, heheh."""

"WINDEX CEO: listen, I can't have you making puns anymore. EMPLOYEE: okay, I just want to make things clear-- CEO: you're fired."

"My parents are super religious.... At night all I can hear is ""Oh god! Oh god! Jesus!"""

"A feminist, a vegan, and a person who does CrossFit walk into a bar. I know this because they didn't shut up about it the entire night."

"I guess anywhere they have that Zika virus... ...is a good place to go to get a little head."

"What comes after fear but ends before sex? Funf!"

"Why did the pedophile cross the road? To get to the other slide."

"My problem with McDonalds is I can't go retrieve my kids in the play tubes because I can't fit in the play tubes because I eat at McDonalds."