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Joke of the Day

"My roommate asked me why I'd invited a bunch of Parisian newspaper men over for breakfast. I told him I always make coffee with the French press."

"What's the name of the tree that gives mexicans? The scaffolding"

"If Kim Kardashian & Snooki were drowning & I could only save one, I'd have a hard time deciding whether to make a sandwich or take a nap."

"My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we both are... But I laugh more."

"What does the math teacher do when he gets constipated? Works it out with a pencil."

"What do you call a Jew with the pH level of 1? Hacidic!"

"The worst thing about finding out Santa isn't real is that you realise it was your parents who were to blame for all the terrible presents"

"Me: u can walk around without shoes Teacher: right Me: but after a while it hurts your feet Teacher: ok Me: so time wounds all the heels"

"A pirate walks into a bar... A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, ""Hey, you know you have a steering wheel between you legs right?"" The pirate replies, ""Arrrr, Matey! It drives me nuts!"""

"The awkward moment when you've already said ""what?"" three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree"