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Joke of the Day

"What does the math teacher do when he gets constipated? Works it out with a pencil."

"You may have a drinking problem - when your mother asks you to toast the bread.....and you raise your glass and say ""here's to the bread""!"

"It's really hard to balance work, family, and not caring about anything."

"Swim swim swim breach surface fly through air catch seagull swim nom nom nom swim swim"

"I wish everyone would stop criticising Jimmy Savile. When I was 9, he fixed it for me to milk a cow blindfolded."

"Not to brag but I have approximately 5000 compact discs I haven't listened to since 2003 that are preventing me from moving on with my life."

"I experienced a bad date September 11, 2001"

"Say no to drugs, kids. Wait until your thirties when you really need them."

"Most Republicans are still voting for Trump. Can I be banned for this, since it's actually not a joke?"

"*changes voicemail recording to ""your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please check the number and dial again"