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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a garbonzo bean and a chickpea? I wouldn't pay $300 to have a garbonzo bean on my face!"

"Despite my last 12,000 tweets, I'm actually really fun."

"Why were the baker's hands brown? Because he kneaded a poo."

"What did the deer say to its lover? You are very ""deer"" to me."

"her: psssssssst me: ? her: psssssssssssssssssssssst me: ??? her: psssssssssssssssssssssssssssst GOD DAMN IT, MY BLOW UP DOLL HAS A PUNCTURE"

"What does a basketball player do before he blows out his candles? He makes a swish!"

"My costume budget is pretty slim, so I'm going as 'disinterested millennial' for Halloween this year."

"Why did god invent patchouli? So blind people can hate hippies too."

"I heard /r/Jokes likes pizza jokes.. Nevermind, it's too cheesy."

"I only drink on special occasions... Luckily for me, I just broke my record for consecutive days alive today"