5798

Joke of the Day

"I'm 72 minutes in trying to reverse whatever my 3 y/o nephew did in one second to the TV remote."

"I have a lips."

"Due to a mix up my cat ended up in a beauty contest and not at the vet. To my surprise she apparently won some gimmick trophy for fluffiest butt. It was a real *catastrophe.*"

"But do you know what 6.9 is? A good thing screwed up by a period."

"Playing Scrabble is like talking to women... You spend the whole time looking at the rack trying to form words."

"There are two kinds of people in this world, the kind that keep their inbox at zero... and the kind that want to run for president someday."

"*aggressively keeps eye contact with attractive people to let them know I mean business*"

"Why did Hitler always win foot races? He was the fascist one."

"Why don't churches, synagogues, mosques and temples have Wi-Fi? Because religions don't like competing with an invisible power that actually works."

"I always carry a clump of my hair in my pocket so when people say ""I like your haircut"", I can respond with, ""Thanks, here, have some."""