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Joke of the Day

"I always carry a clump of my hair in my pocket so when people say ""I like your haircut"", I can respond with, ""Thanks, here, have some."""

Next Joke
 
"What looks like half a sandwich? The other half."
"This is my first joke I am posting, here goes nothing"
"How does a sloth hang itself? By trying to jump rope."
"Please pray for me: I recently found out that nobody's praying for me"
"*slowly releases air from a balloon during your wedding vows*"
"How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant? You strangle it until it turns blue, and then shoot it with the blue elephant gun."
"Thank Satan it's Monday."
"This hating of people that breastfeed in public really has to stop. I can raise my cat any way I want."
"What's a pirate's favorite Antivirus? Avast."