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Joke of the Day

"Why don't churches, synagogues, mosques and temples have Wi-Fi? Because religions don't like competing with an invisible power that actually works."

"If you love someone let them go. If they come back they probly forgot their keys or something & yikes that's gonna be an awkward 30 seconds."

"Girls wanting giant ass teddy bears, & VS bags, and bouquets of underwear for valentines day. Just give me some pizza & I'll love u forever."

"What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers"

"Inspired by T.G.I.Fridays, I opened a place called C.L.I.Thursdays. It closed down though because most guys couldnt find it"

"You know what the definition of ""competitive"" is? Finishing first *and* third in a circlejerk."

"Yeah, did you hear about the really chatty snake gynecologist? Well, he was good at his job, but I just couldn't stand how he kept sticking his head in my business."

"Apple and Google are both working on self driving cars. Personally I don't think I want to ride in a car without Windows."

"President, first day on the job: *pushing a button* Janet can you- [two nuclear missiles launch towards Moscow] That wasn't the intercom."

"So, my friend who hasn't slept in 24 hours just blurted this out... Confucius say, don't leave the chronic masturbator behind. Horny man may come in handy!"