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Joke of the Day

"An Owl and a Squirrel are sitting in a tree watching a farmer mow the lawn.... ...The Owl says nothing because Owls can't talk, the Owl then eats the Squirrel because it's a bird of prey."

"What are a parrot's favourite literary characters? Mr Macawber and Pollyanna!"

"What did the reindeer wear to protect itself while Santa was watering the garden? Rudolph's red hose rain gear..."

"Q: Have you heard about the Irish abortion clinic? A: There's a 12-month waiting list."

"I rode a horse today. In other words, I had sex with Sara Jessica Parker"

"Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can't see my license plate."

"Dear Ninja Turtles, Why are you wearing masks? There are no other giant, mutated turtles. No one's gonna mistake a different turtle for you."

"I took a selfie with my uncle. Everyone behind us shook their heads. I never know how to behave at wakes."

"What do you call a man doing dishes? Single."

"I have a condition that makes my heart rate jump when I see a poorly dressed person. It's called tackycardia."