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Joke of the Day

"I have a condition that makes my heart rate jump when I see a poorly dressed person. It's called tackycardia."

"""my son, can I ask why you're carrying two HUGE crucifixes?"" Well father, I've been... Double-crossed *God starts breakdancing*"

"There are two types of people I can't stand. Nosy people, and people who won't tell me what the hell they're whispering about."

"When an American says, ""You do the math,"" you should also offer to assist him in his grammar."

"An Anus gets into a fight with two guys at a bar he rectum"

"How can you tell ignorance from indifference? I don't know and I don't care."

"Did you hear about the suspect who's alibi was that he was at a restaurant? Well the restaurant Carraba-rated his story."

"I promised myself to stop jacking off to porn... It's gonna be hard for the next couple weeks."

"Someone just honked their horn to get me out of my parking space quicker so now we will both be here until we're dead."

"When life gives you chlamydia, make lemon chlamydia?"