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Joke of the Day

"""And if you look out to the left, you'll miss everything to the right. Remember, every choice is also a loss."" - Me as a tour guide"

"Why did the geologist quit his job? His boss always took him for granite."

"Sometimes I say big words, even when i don't know what they mean They make me sound photosynthesis."

"You can run but you can't hide Is a funny thing to say to children with asthma"

"My ex and I broke up because she said she couldn't be with someone who wanted her to change. I just wanted her to stop sleeping with my friends."

"A jew girl's doctor tricked her into having sex with him. Hesadic was good for her."

"I got really upset when I noticed my wife shovelling snow in the freezing cold But then I just closed the blinds."

"Yo momma is so fat... When she got on the scale it said, ""I need your weight not your phone number."""

"woman on a date drops curry on her lap.... ""Oh no! Madras!"""

"I really can't believe the price some women pay for sunglasses. I'm starting to think it'd be cheaper to get the kitchen window tinted."