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Joke of the Day

"My ex and I broke up because she said she couldn't be with someone who wanted her to change. I just wanted her to stop sleeping with my friends."

"She died doing what she loved: Running for her life in the wrong direction."

"It's cool to jump out of bed and realize you are already dressed to run to Walmart"

"Searched my teens room for drugs, was told ""you don't give me enough money for drugs."" I don't know whether to be proud or up his allowance."

"It's a do or dive for Robben as Netherlands play Argentina in the semifinals."

"I hate how the losers of every election maintain such a high view of themselves... They're conceded"

"A bird in hand may be worth two in a bush, but a nut in a bush is worth two in a hand."

"My jokes are like cancer Only my dad gets it."

"I'd write a book on parenting but it'd probably just end up being full of cocktail recipes."

"Of all the martial arts, karaoke inflicts the most pain."