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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I say big words, even when i don't know what they mean They make me sound photosynthesis."

"A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear. Unless it's 3am. And you're home alone. And you don't have a baby"

"""It behooves you."" -Inventor of the horseshoe, explaining to a dubious horse."

"I dream of a day when my toddler can poop and the entire neighborhood doesn't have to hear her say she's done."

"A man was walking his dog in a graveyard when he spots another man crouching behind a tombstone Mourning,He Said, The Other man replied ""No just taking a shit."""

"I just got a job cleaning air ducts and I don't like it very much, but at least I have a job. Thanks for letting me vent."

"The man said to his mime... ""I'm afraid I have to fire you."" The mime replied, ""Why the fuck am I fired?"""

"Why can't the porcelain king go to the bathroom? He was dethroned."

"What's a polar bear? It's a Cartesian bear after a co&ouml;rdinate transform."

"Hit snooze until the panic sets in."