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Joke of the Day

"What's your mom's favorite bird? A cock or two."

"When I said ""I'm really good in bed"" I was referring to sleeping. Sorry for the misunderstanding, you can pull your pants up now."

"I invented a new word today! Plagiarism."

"Just tried black coffee for the first time Not my cup of tea"

"I used a fax machine today!! I also ran all the cotton thru the gin and plowed the field with my oxen while it finished dialing up."

"Someone threw an egg at me, I wasn't able to dodge it. It was un-ovoid-able. =("

"What do I look for in a girl? Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order."

"If you were anti-pencil Would you be erasist?"

"What's a good Christmas gift for the woman who already has everything except morals?"

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll add to the global overdepletion of the oceans. So just give him the fish."