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Joke of the Day

"Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims."

"How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I will tell you later. SOURCE: Heard it on the subway"

"Not only is my new thesaurus terrible... It's also terrible"

"Sometimes I spend so much time on Twitter in the bathroom that I actually pee twice."

"Listen to your instincts. Your gut is always right. It may be a little bloated sometimes...but it's right."

"I think God created marriage so death wouldn't come as such a disappointment."

"What does a moped and a fat lady have in common? They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one."

"I live in my parent's basement so I had to dig a deeper basement for my kids to live in. In 20 generations we will reach the Earth's core."

"It's so cool how math isn't real now that I'm a grown up."

"Would you watch a turkey dance? No, but I'd watch a chicken strip."