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Joke of the Day

"Today I've decided to rename things in the office to start with ""i"" like Apple. There's iStapler, iPostitnotes, iWishitwasfriday..."

"Me: You a good personal trainer? Him: You bet your emotionally distant dad I am. Me: [through tears] Wow, that's personal. You're hired."

"Where does the CIA buy its groceries? Whole Foods"

"The rest of the Justice League always makes Aquaman eat at Long John Silvers so they can watch him cry."

"""My Ex is amazing in all ways. My Ex is smarter, more successful, and more attractive than I am."" - bumper sticker I put on my Ex's car"

"yay 10 bucks on the floor Hello sir I'm 10 and have no money plz give me the 10 bucks.Oh you poor thing I am a nice man so I will.................KEEP IT BRO TROLOLO!"

"I tried to buy perfume from a vending machine, but it was out of odor."

"Why was Hellen Keller's leg yellow? Her dog was blind too"

"him: what did you do all day? *steps aside to reveal 12 cats taped together* Me: it's a purrrramid!"

"A poem for r/Jokes ""Roses are grey. Violets are grey. I am a dog."""