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Joke of the Day

"*deathbed* All that time wasted. When I could have been *looks at family* getting down to this... sick... beat *dies* *widow rolls eyes*"

"Whats the difference between the FAA and a jet engine? The engine stops whining after the plane lands."

"GIRL: would you like to go out for dinner sometime? ME:*nervously looks around* MY MUM: *appearing from nearby bush* he only eats lunchables"

"You know why some people simply don't have a butt? Because they are on a gluten free diet."

"I'm so lucky, I married my best friend!! I hope my husband doesn't find out"

"Why were Kay's pets scared of Kay? because... K8 K9"

"What did the vegan give the homeless guy? A lecture."

"I've just started a band. Were called Missing Cat might of even seen the posters for us."

"My parallel parking skills are unparalleled."

"Two homeless guys see a dog licking his balls. One says to the other ""I wish I could do that"" the other says ""don't you think you should pet him first""."