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Joke of the Day
"Why were Kay's pets scared of Kay? because... K8 K9"
Next Joke
"[alternate reality] [dogs walking their humans on leashes] dog1: have u heard of upman? dog2: whats upman? dog1: not much man whats up w/ u?"
"A joke I made up from The Revenant Why did Glass gut the horse? He just wanted to fit in."
"What did the tsundere degree say to the radian? ""Notice me 10"""
"What do you call it when a pickle makes a mistake? A dill d'oh"
"I'm a kleptomaniac, but it's ok... when it gets bad, I just take something for it."
"[bar closing time] Do you wanna come over to my place? Her (flirtatious af): oh yeah Ok hold on.. *dials phone* Mom? Can you pick me up now?"
"[gets down on 1 knee] Babe will you-- ""Yeah... Here it is"" [she lends me her phone charger] Thanks"
"I Went To The Zoo Yesterday The only animal they had was a dog. It was a Shih-Tzu."
"Me: I won't make it. Go on without me. Her: It's a toe cramp M: But I'm covered in some kind of clear blood H: That's sweat M: Tell my story"