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Joke of the Day

"Top three reasons he doesn't text you back: 1. He's just not that into you 2. He's imaginary 3. He's a cat"

"If I give my dog a toy that doesn't make an unbearably annoying noise she looks at me like I have no clue how to do anything right in life."

"What's the worst thing to hear after blowing Willie Nelson? ""I'm not Willie Nelson."""

"Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with."

"Bruce Jenner Why don't more people call, Bruce Jenner, TransJenner?"

"Why do the walking dead survivors try to get to washington D.C.? Because it's their Michonne."

"What do you call a well-endowed member of Hitler's master race? Hungaryan."

"Just got unfollowed by exorcist scary looking lady with crazy eyes who has ""will get in cars with strangers"" in her bio. I'm hiding........"

"Just found $4 on the ground. Well, more like $2.40 after my ex wife claims her share"

"There are two things I hate in this world... People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch."